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the age
A guide to true love
Written by: Amanda Smith
July 26, 2003
Since couples do not have to stay together till death us do part, there is now a fluid marketplace of unattached people seeking new partners. For some, this is an exciting time. For others, it's daunting and confusing. Finding someone to fall in love with does not seem as easy as Romeo and Juliet made out.
A burgeoning romance industry has responded to this marketplace of need. Introductions agencies, internet dating, and now "speed dating" offer professional help in finding a partner. Internet dating uses the technology of the information superhighway, but speed dating is a peculiarly 21st century concept in a different way. With streamlined efficiency, you get to date 15 people face-to-face in one evening.
In an upstairs room at the Grace Darling Hotel in Collingwood, 40 men and women are chatting away eagerly, if nervously. The sexual energy that's flying around the room reminds me of schooldays with Romeo and Juliet, except here they are better groomed and better mannered than my classmates and I were. The participants are in their 20s, 30s and 40s and they have paid $89 for a Saturday night of speed dating.
The room is set up with long tables. The men are all sitting on one side of the tables, the women on the other. The champagne is flowing. Every eight minutes, a hooter is sounded and all the men get up and shuffle along one place. They then get eight minutes to impress and be impressed by the woman sitting opposite. And so it goes on for the rest of the evening.
After each mini-date, if you want to see more of that person, you indicate your interest by ticking his or her name on your list of dates. At the end of the night, the organisers discreetly provide phone numbers to those who have given each other a tick.
Speed dating comes from Los Angeles. It was developed in the mid-1990s by Rabbi Yaacov Deyo as a way for Jews to meet and form relationships with other Jews. It's a new twist on Jewish traditions of matchmaking. Speed dating has extended way beyond its Jewish roots and spread around the world.
Katia Loisel runs Perfectdates, which organises monthly speed-dating nights for straight and gay singles in Melbourne, Sydney and Adelaide. The current popularity of speed dating lies in its efficiency. "Where else could you meet 15 people in one night?" she asks. "You know they're single, you know they're available, you know that they're willing to talk to you. You're not going to get rejected, no one is going to tell you to go away."
First-time participant Trent is a retail manager who works 60 to 70 hours per week, so he does not have a lot of time to work the social scene. He wants to maximise his chances, so at this fast-tracked dating event, Trent thinks he has "got more of a percentage chance to meet somebody nice". This sprint version of the mating game is brilliantly suited to a culture that breeds romance-hungry, time-poor individuals.
Click here to read the whole story.
Click here to find out more about our Speed Dating Events or fill out our application form to secure your place.
Perfectdates would like to congratulations to Trent and Kathy who recently got engaged after meeting at the April 20th Speed Dating Event (above). Yes Trent, you certainly did meet someone very nice.
the age – singles file
Speed into the new year
December 2003
Originating in Los Angeles in the mid 1990’s by Jewish Rabbi Yaacov Deyo as a way for Jewish singles to meet, speed dating is now the latest craze to sweep the world.
“Where else can you meet 15 single people in one night?” says Katia from Perfectdates who runs regular speed dating events in Melbourne. “You know they’re single, you know they’re available and you know that they’re willing to talk to you. You’re not going to be rejected and no one is going to tell you to go away.
Perfectdates Speed Dating is held at Southside, a funky restaurant bar in South Melbourne. The art-filled dimmed room is buzzing with single professionals aged in their 20s, 30s and 40s. As champagne glasses are topped up, nervous scan the room. “Some people are looking to meet their dream date, others are looking to meet new friends and have a great night out. Whatever the reason, 15 dates in one night means that the odds are stacked in your favour,” says Katia.
The event starts at 8pm sharp, when Katia and Greg escort guests to their tables. There beverages and finger food are served to set the mood for a great night out.
Speed dating allows participants to meet and talk to 15 other singles on an eight-minute “mini date”. At the end of this time if a guest decides that they would like to exchange phone numbers with any particular people, they tick their names in a folder. Phone numbers that match are then discretely exchanged at the end of the night by Katia or Greg..
Beverages, more nibbles and plenty of chocolate are provided throughout the evening, and there’s also a 10-minute interval at half time. When speed dating is over for the night, attendees are then invited to kick onto a nearby bar, a great place to chat further, get to know people, and dance the night away.
“we are committed to helping singles find their perfect partner,” says Katia. “Any guest who doesn’t have a match is invited to attend a free flirting workshop.”
Click here to find out more about our Speed Dating Events or fill out our application form to secure your place.
abc radio
Great Lovers – Episode six
Hosted by: Amanda Smith
Click here to listen to the story.
This is the final in the six-part series, Great Lovers. And in this series we’ve travelled over two thousand years of romance in the western world, via some of our most potent and enduring love stories, tragic tales of love-gone-wrong, and forbidden passion all. Now although it may well have been the allure of the forbidden that fanned the flames of desire between Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde, Oscar and Bosie, et al, what must be said is that none of them had any trouble finding each other in the first place. Romeo and Juliet met, Romeo and Juliet fell in love. The contemporary dilemma for many of us though, is finding that special person in the first place. It’s an irony that now, while there are fewer taboos around who we’re allowed to love, finding that someone to love often seems pretty elusive.
So let’s go on the hunt for love in the twenty first century, and a peculiarly twenty first century approach to finding it. We’re going speed dating.
Katia Loisel: Right. So don’t freak out, feel free, you just say your name, it’s alright. OK, now everyone wearing a name badge? Very important.
Amanda Smith: Saturday night in the function room of an inner-city hotel. This is Melbourne, but it could be any city in the country. A group of men and women in their twenties, thirties and forties, all single, are getting the lowdown on the night ahead of them.
Katia Loisel: Basically the way it works is you sit down in front of a person. First thing I really need you to do …
Amanda Smith: During the course of the evening, everyone here will date fifteen people. The room is set up with long tables and chairs, and the women all sit alone one side, the men along the other. Each ‘date’ involves having a conversation with the person who’s sitting opposite you. After eight minutes, a horn sounds, and all the men get up and move along one place. So you then get eight minutes to talk to the next person, and so it goes on. After each date, if you fancy the person, you put a tick against their name on your card. At the end of the night if any of the people you’ve given a tick to have also given you a tick, you’re given each other’s phone numbers by the organiser.
Katia Loisel: And then in the box you either tick or cross. I know this seems really simple, but please don’t score people. (LAUGHTER)
Amanda Smith: Speed dating was invented in the mid-nineteen-nineties by a rabbi in Los Angeles, as a way for Jewish singles to meet, mix and match. Since then, it’s spread way beyond its Jewish roots. It’s taken off in cities around the world, and there’s now gay as well as straight speed dating.
The striking thing about the concept though is that speed dating seems so emblematic of a culture of romance-hungry, but time-poor individuals.
Amanda Smith: So you’re Trent OK, Trent I do have to ask you, do you come here often, have you done this before?
Trent: Not at all, first time.
Amanda Smith: So what prompted you to try speed dating?
Trent: I think it’s just another way to meet people. Obviously most of the time you’re sort of out and about in clubs and that type of thing and people have that fake, or a different type of image that they’re trying to portray. So many different people in a place like this gives you obviously a different scope on how to meet people.
Amanda Smith: And do you believe you’re going to meet your true love here tonight?
Trent: Listen I think that anything’s possible. Like, myself, I work a lot of hours, so you don’t always get out and about to meet somebody, and if somebody is like-minded who’s in the same situation, you’ve got more of a percentage of a chance to meet somebody nice.
Amanda Smith: What do you do workwise, Trent?
Trent: I’m a retail manager. So naturally it’s retail, there’s a lot of demanding hours, and you do work obviously, you get paid for forty, and work sixty, seventy so it does take a lot of time.
Katia Loisel: My name’s Katia. This is my do, it’s called Perfectdates; basically it’s speed dating. So everybody comes along and they date fifteen people, eight minutes each one, which is a lot of people.
Amanda Smith: And why do you think speed dating has suddenly become so popular?
Katia Loisel: Well I don’t know about you, but I guess people are really busy. You meet your own crowd, you meet the people you work with, but you don’t actually meet anyone new. And I don’t think you could go anywhere and meet fifteen people in one night and actually get to date them. And I suppose you don’t feel like an idiot asking them. You know they’re single, you know they’re out there, you know that they’re willing to talk to you, which I guess is a bit thing. You’re not going to get rejected, no-one’s going to tell you to go away. So I guess that’s a big thing to do with it. And it’s fun.
Amanda Smith: Well Katia, does speed dating work? Do people find true love and romance here?
Katia Loisel: I don’t know about true love, but I guess at the end of the night, there’s very high eighties, ninety percent success rate. I mean, that’s based on numbers, around ninety percent of people actually get matches on the night; but whether you take it further, I mean some people go home with ten numbers. I don’t know what you’d call that.
Amanda Smith: Popular, I think.
Katia Loisel: Well, they’re popular. I guess they ticked everyone as well.
Amanda Smith: Well I have heard actually that some blokes just tick all the boxes to maximise their possible number of dates and matches.
Katia Loisel: I think some of the girls do it too, to be honest. But at the end of the day, if you only tick one person, then you might not get anyone. Sometimes the girls won’t tick anyone because they’re looking for their very special Mr Right, and they’re not going to settle for anything else. So obviously if they don’t tick anyone, they won’t get anyone. Sometimes it happens, but that happens in life as well, so I say to people it’s a numbers game: the more you do it, the luckier you get. You’ve got people who are absolute babes or hotties that don’t get anyone sometimes. It’s not got anything to do with that. Sometimes if you’re having a really bad night, then no matter what you look like, people might sense that and then you don’t get picked, and that’s life.
Amanda Smith: How are you going so far, Megan.
Megan: I’m fine. I was scared to begin with this evening, but it’s going alright at the moment.
Amanda Smith: Have you done this before?
Megan: No, this is my first time. I’m new to Melbourne, so a friend thought, Look, why don’t you come out and meet a few people and it will be a great opportunity. So, so far it’s going OK.
Amanda Smith: So have the eight-minute blocks been going quickly or slowly so far?
Megan: In some instances they’ve gone really quickly, and others a little bit slow. But I think that’s probably just getting warmed up and getting used to the whole idea of it.
Amanda Smith: Here’s your next ‘date’. Good luck.
Megan: Thank you.
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Ned: Hi, my name’s Ned, nice to meet you. Megan: Hi, I’m Megan, nice to meet you. Ned: Fantastic. So Megan, I’m just here to have fun. How about yourself? Megan: Definitely, just here to have fun, meet friends and see how we go from there. So what is your favourite TV show, my burning question of the night. Ned: I don’t really kind of have - you know, TV nowadays, I don’t think is nearly as good as TV in the eighties, so the shows like Mork and Mindy and Welcome Back Cotter. How about yourself, what are your favourites? Megan: I have a bit of a sad existence in life, and tend to be a Secret Life of Us girl Ned: I’m a big ‘Secret Life’ fan actuallyMegan: Are you? Fabulous. Did you see the last fifteen minutes of last week? Because I fell asleep, I hate to say that. Ned: I missed last week’s episode. Megan: What did you think of the wedding? The wedding was awesome. Ned: Oh yes, absolutely. Absolutely. HORN Megan: Thanks, Ned. Ned: Hey, thank you, Megan. Cheers. |
Amanda Smith: Well with the champagne flowing and the nervous sexual energy of forty people bouncing off the walls, this speed dating was a pretty exciting night.
Click
here to find out more about our Speed Dating Events or fill out our application form
to secure your place.
Perfectdates would like to congratulations to Trent and Kathy who recently got engaged after meeting at the April 20th Speed Dating Event (above). Yes Trent, you certainly did meet someone very nice.
Watch this space for footage as filmed by Sunday.
the age - singles file
People Magnets
November 2003
“Why is it that some people are like people magnets? They seem to have an abundance of confidence and energy, they are funny and they thrive on meeting new people.” Many of these people have overcome shyness and learnt the art of flirting according to Katia Loisel from Perfectdates. “Throughout the ages, flirting was an important part of courtship,” says Katia.
“Both men and women were taught the finer techniques of flirting and, most importantly, how to read these signals from the opposite sex. But these days, not only have the lines of dating become so blurred that most of us have forgotten how to flirt, we generally don’t recognise when someone is trying to flirt with us.”
Katia runs both private flirt-coaching sessions and flirting workshops in capital cities around Australia.
“Flirting workshops help people to understand the secrets and signals of body language, the art of building rapport, how to overcome fears of rejections and embarrassment, start conversations and how to continue conversations if you think that someone is interested,” says Katia.
Life coach Greg Furey from Create Your Destiny also attends the workshops, where he discusses beliefs and relationship goals and how these can affect the signals that people give out to the opposite sex.
“Good communication is about more than just the words we use. Instead it’s about understanding chemistry and how what we say reinforces or triggers someone else’s behaviour,” adds Katia.
Attendees range in age from their 20s to 60s and can be singles, couples looking to put the spark back into their relationship, or business people looking to improve their communication skills.
“Workshops are a non-threatening way to learn everything you ever wanted to know about flirting – and are also terrific fun,” says Katia.
“One of the best aspects of the workshops is the feedback participants receive from the opposite sex. It’s probably the only situation where a person from the opposite gender will honestly tell them what works and what doesn’t work.”
Click here to find out more about our Flirting Workshops or fill out our application form to secure your place.