dating tips

top 5 dating tips

Here are some of my tips for successfully meeting people - and loving every minute of it!

1. Get out there! You’d be surprised how many people want to meet someone special in their life, but hardly ever leave their homes. You don’t need to be Einstein to realise that this is not a successful strategy. One girl I know wanted to meet that special someone, although she spent a lot of time at home making fudge brownies (and very nice they were too!). I encouraged her to get out and learn a new skill – in her case, playing pool at the local. The purpose wasn’t to turn her into Eddie Charlton, but for her to break through her shyness and meet someone special. It worked beautiful and now she’s not only an excellent pool player but has a very cute partner to boot.

   If you’re at a loss for new places to meet singles, give this a try. Grab a pen and paper and write down a list of all of the things that you’ve always wanted to do but never tried or given up on, you’ll be amazed at how many things you can come up with. So, how many ‘things to do’ do you have jotted on your list? At least 10? Good that will keep you busy for the next couple of months. Now get moving, take your list and start having fun. Not only will you get to meet lots of new and perhaps single people, but you’ll be discovering new passions and trying and learning new things. You’ll have lots of new and very interesting things to talk about and what better way to build rapport with someone new than by chatting about a shared passion or interest.

   Remember, you’re not going to meet the partner of your dreams sitting on your couch watching re-runs of ‘Mash’, so don’t let an opportunity to meet new people pass you by. You never know who you might meet or how much fun you’ll have in the process.
   

2. Be interested as well as interesting. When most of us meet people, we get so caught up with the impression we’re making and the other person’s impression of us ( Do they like me, do they think that I’m interesting, am I too ugly, fat, skinny, do I have food in my teeth…substitute your own internal dialogue here), that it’s a surprise we actually hear a word they say.

   Relax! People are more likely to notice that you’re listening to them rather than your bad hair day and you’ll find you’ll be less anxious about meeting people when you step outside your concerns about yourself.

   Several years ago after an all day workshop, my friend Sharon and I went out for coffee with some of the participants. Whilst I spent most of the night mingling and drinking perhaps a little too much wine (one glass is my limit after all), Sharon spent the whole night chatting to a short man at a corner table. During the taxi ride home Sharon wouldn’t stop talking about what an interesting, wonderful person Phillip was. As a speaker on communication I was fascinated to know how he had captivated her attention for the whole night. Sharon was renown for getting bored with conversations very easily and he didn’t seem to be her type at all, after all Sharon was normally attracted to tall, thin men. I had to get to the bottom of this and quick! I asked Sharon what Phillip did and she stared back at me with a blank expression on her face, the same expression I got when I asked her what his interests were, where he was from….(I think you get the idea). Sharon was mortified to realise that she had spent the entire night talking about herself, her childhood passion for clothes and her dream of opening her own clothes store, she had even drawn Phillip a drawing on the back of her napkin of the layout of her dream store. And what did Phillip do? He listened, he asked questions, he paraphrased what she said to make sure that he really understood, and the result? Phillip was a hit! It didn’t matter that he wasn’t Sharon’s type, he did something that people rarely do, he listened and was interested in her.

   An interested person is an interesting person. Be curious, ask open ended questions and find out what they are really passionate about. Use all of your senses to really listen to what they are saying. Giving your total undivided attention will automatically draw people to you.

3. Love yourself. Stop focussing on other people’s criticisms. You’re fine just the way you are. Really. If you have to do affirmations to boost your self-esteem in front of a mirror, do so. You’ll make a much better impression walking into a room with confidence than you will by fidgeting with your hair.

4. Pick up cues. No not pool cues, although they can be helpful sometimes. Pay close attention to other people’s responses to you and their body language – are you missing something vital? After all communication is much more than just what you say, it’s about understanding body language, signals, chemistry and how what we do re-enforces or triggers someone else’s behavior. The more aware you are of yourself and of other people the better you will be at communicating,
5. Make eye contact, smile and have fun! It’s easy to forget, but you can actually enjoy meeting new people! If you go to an event where new people will be, don’t go with expectations other than to have fun, make friends and enjoy yourself, and in that mindset, you’re far more likely to meet someone special.
   

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